Teared-Apart Pictures – The Grudge 2

I’ve seen a lot of crappy movies in the past. A lot of crappy movies. And usually, when others ask me to watch a crappy movie with them, I’ll refuse. However, boredom got the best of me. I grabbed my wallet, put on a nice zip-up, and started my way to the theater with my friend.

I had absolutely no expectations from this movie. I guess I thought it would be better than being bored. I never saw the first movie, so I had no clue what would be the main story of the movie. This didn’t really matter. Find out why after the jump

(spoilers ahead!)

I’ll admit that I was somewhat expecting maybe a little bit of jumpy parts from this movie. I also thought that maybe I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight. Turns out that didn’t happen. It may have been the fact that there were 15-18 Eleven year olds in the two rows ahead of my friend and I, it may have been the fact that one guy behind us was cracking some funny jokes during the movie, or maybe it was the fact that the movie just wasn’t scary, nor disturbing at all.

That last line may not have been fair, as I’m sure those 11 year old kids won’t be sleeping tonight. But the reason for that isn’t the movie, it’s probably because they heard me swearing my buttocks off at them during the movie.

Anyways, enough about the kids that angered me. Let’s talk about the movie. I don’t really feel like explaining the story, since I didn’t understand it in the first place. From what I can gather, it’s about a house. This house apparently gives you a curse if you enter it. It also appeared that the house was burned down, which I suppose occurred in the first movie. I think that about covers it. Oh, and there’s some weird naked blue kid and some “the Ring” type girl.

Oh oh! It also shows some lady that hits her husband with a frying pan after making him breakfast.

Yeah, that about covers the start.

There’s 3 stories going on throughout the movie. One about a girl who’s asked by her mother to get her sister out of the hospital down in Tokyo, and take her back to America. The second story is about a family, who’s trying to cope with their new mother. Oh, and they have a freaky neighbor. And the third story is about a girl who is forced by 2 other girls to enter the house.

So, as I said, I was hoping that the movie would make me jump, and would leave me scared pantless. I’ll explain why both of those didn’t happen. First of all, the “jump” factor. I find that I will jump in a movie only when the parts are spread out in the movie, and when they are surprises. This movie fails to do so. The parts that are supposed to make you jump happen ever 5-6 minutes…average. So, even if you jumped before, I doubt you’ll jump again, because you’d have lost attention from the movie. The chances of you jumping, however, is also rare. This is because it’s very predictable when something will pop up. Wether it be dark rooms, the music (which blew dogs bollocks anyways), a mirror, or the girl turning around and feeling around her hair. It’s kind of really, very, nearly impossible to get scared if you know what’s going to happen 2 minutes before it happens.

Secondly, it didn’t leave me insomnic for the night. I mentioned before that there was a guy behind us cracking jokes, so he could be the reason for this. He may not be, though, since the whole disturbing/scary part of the movie was horribly done. I mean, in grade 7, girls coming out of television screens was scary…not anymore however. Nowadays, I usually greet girls that pop out of television screens. Also, little blue boy, naked, big eyes, and….blue, just isn’t scary. Kind of gross, but not scary. More funny than anything, because the boy meowed or something. I guess the kid just wanted to play animal kingdom or something. But, no! People refuse to play with him, and that makes me ashamed to be human.

Let’s just say that this movie didn’t do it for me. I’m really glad I wasn’t expecting anything from this movie, because I was disappointed with it anyways. I even passed out for 5 minutes because it didn’t interest me, and I also predicted a jumpy moment before I passed out…and I was right.

So, what am I saying? I’m saying don’t see this movie. Or, if you really want to see this movie, just lower your expectations. Also, try to sit with someone who can crack jokes. That way, you have something to entertain you when you realize how ridiculous the movie really is.

I guess there is a good part to the movie, but I’m having a hard time remembering what it was. I think it was loud screeching noises…or maybe the confusing as hell ending. Oh! I know what it was. Here it is: The reason you will pay 7.50 $ CAD to see this movie. An old man, on the train, in the middle of the movie making a slowed down peekaboo action and saying “Mee,mee,mee…oh. Mee,mee,mee…oh.” a couple times over.

So that about wraps up my thoughts about this movie. The bad, no true jumpy parts, not scary, and confusing as making good tasting instant coffee. The good, An old man on a train making sounds.


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